Whenever I walk down a London street,
I take great care where I put my feet.
And I watch for the gobs
And the doggies' big jobs
That lie there in piles, some sloppy, some neat,
Waiting for people to squidge with their feet.
And I tiptoe around
With my eyes on the ground
And wonder what horror I'm next going to meet.
And the harder I look, I give you my word,
The more I seem drawn to the tiniest turd.
And the dogs see me coming and say, 'Here's a sap.
Let's nip round the corner and have a good crap.
He's wearing those shoes that have crinkly soles,
With lots of small ridges and dozens of holes.
And if we distract him by having a piddle,
Nine times out of ten he'll tread slap in the middle.'
There's nothing more pleases a dog's simple wit
Than to hear the familiar cry of 'Oh, shit!'
by
Christopher Matthew